Flux...

Full Frontal
Last night, went to watch a play i got to play a part in and then turned away because of the pregnacy. There was a double surprise because it was a double bill and the play that came after that has a beautiful idea of creating an ideal much better than a research i have done in TTRP. Something i had not been able to manage and create out of some flux ideas I had along the way, and than which the female director has done in this case. She has done it beautifully, re-doing a play from the 60s along with interviews in the past and imbedding what one would think of history today.

Then i woke up at 6am this morning.

Part of me maturing to be a mum is to deal with my own guilt and disappointment, if not, of being unable to do the things i selfishly wanted to do.

Making decisions of walking the path of life chosen.

To learn to grief for what i have lost in order embrace the new life chosen.

What a hard choice.....

In between GUILT and DISAPPOINTMENT

the problem as been, it always took me sometime to figure out what to do with my life. My ideal of what i wanted to do came in between searching and much flux. And marriage and family that came later, came because it came.

我的理想与生活
该如何找到一个平衡点？

真是可笑，
或许在寻找当中可以更独立的寻求并设立自己。
自己是什么，在许许多多选择中就慢慢形成。

还找不到自己，或许就也无法告诉别人要如何去寻求自己的人生吧。

我想，可能我不该为讨生活教那么多生活戏剧。
作为一个在寻求的人来说， 在找到生活平衡点之前教别人能为人生做些什么，实在是多余。